theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
