I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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