I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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