hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
