Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am one with the molecules
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
