I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
