This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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