I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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