whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
