I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
