I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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