i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
