she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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