I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
