I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
