Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
