Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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