we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
