i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize