Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
