I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you still have your period?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
