umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Fuck appropriateness.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
