Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
