If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
