Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
