Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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