I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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