Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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