Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
