You're so nebulous sometimes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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