I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
