It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
