Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
