I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize