I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
