dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize