is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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