upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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