how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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