So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
