It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
