it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
