A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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