i think my tv is drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
