Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
