Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
