don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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