i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
