If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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