I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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