we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
