Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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