Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
