He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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