I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
