if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
