I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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