i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
