if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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