But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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