remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
