For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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