my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
