Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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