Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina is officially offended.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
