I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
