she was so not down for the gang bang
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
