I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize